I spent a lot of time with my roommates and members of our ward having game nights, watching movies, going on adventures, etc. I got to know quite a few guys in our ward and James was one of them. I found him to be goofy, but very loving and helpful to those around him. He was the Executive Secretary to our Bishop and was constantly at the church helping different committees, setting up interviews, and being social. I noticed this and we became quick friends. I got comfortable enough around James that I was 100% myself, and didn't care if he saw me without makeup, or without my hair done. He was the guy in our ward that I knew I could call if I ever needed anything.
Because of past relationships that I had been in, I found that I was okay being single. Although being in a relationship was fun, I thought it was so much easier being independent and alone. I had amazing roommates, a great ward, and an awesome family. I found myself thinking that I'd be alright if I never got married. I knew that I was still young, but I was just so comfortable not dating and being alone.
James and I were soon texting each other everyday. We'd text and talk about everything. We went out on our first date the last week in December which I felt was just another "hang out" with one of my best friends. He took me bowling and then we got frozen yogurt. It was so simple and care-free. It was eventually made known to me that James had feelings for me. I quickly set things straight because I "wasn't ready to get hurt again". And to be completely honest, I didn't want to mess up my amazing friendship with James. The more and more I kept telling myself that I wasn't ready, the more confused I got. I kept telling myself that James and I didn't have hardly anything in common, that we came from polar opposite backgrounds, and that we would simply never work. But that didn't stop James... he was annoyingly persistent.
The more persistent he was about me just "trying" to date him, the more frustrated I got. Our communication was so awful (as most of it was through text). I felt like I was constantly drowning in confusion and emotion so I finally started to open up just the slightest bit to him. And it felt good. We started spending more time together and I had to continue to tell him that I didn't know if things would ever work and that if they were going to work, he needed to be patient with me and take things slow. He complied with no hesitation at all.
In February 2017 I became really sick. My roommates had their own lives and I wasn't expecting them or anyone for that matter, to "take care of me". Of course during this time, I'm texting James, when there's a knock on my apartment door. I was absolutely surprised that James was standing at my door with a drink from Fiiz and some chicken noodle soup. The whole week that I was sick, he came over everyday and made sure that I was taken care of. He did the dishes, cleaned the apartment, took out the garbage, made sure I was keeping up with my medicine, etc. It was during this week that I found myself developing romantic feelings for him. This of course put me into a panic and I did everything I could to bury those feelings that I didn't want, nor was I ready for.
One night when I couldn't sleep, I got the impression that I should pray about my relationship with James. So I prayed. I prayed to know if I should continue to be his friend or take a complete leap of faith and see if we could be more. The answer I got, clearer than ever was "give him a chance". This scared me and I actually began to argue with the Spirit. I said "No, I don't want to give him a chance. I'm going to get hurt. It'll ruin our friendship. Just, no." To which I got the answer again but a lot more firm.... "Give him a chance".
I started to open up even more to James and saw just how much he cared for me. I tried to let most of my reservations go and just have faith that whatever was supposed to happen would happen. We talked, and got to know each other on a deeper level. On February 19, we were sitting on my couch when we had our first kiss. Our first kiss was like something I'd never experienced before. I swear there were fireworks in the background. It was the most meaningful, amazing kiss I've ever had in my entire life. It literally took my breath away. As we pulled away from each other I couldn't even speak. James had to ask me twice if I was okay. And let me tell you... I was MORE than okay.
We had been exclusive for just over a month when my dad had a stroke. I won't go into detail about this, but I will say that it was an emotional time for myself and my family. I've always been extremely close with my dad and he's always been the man in my life to "take care of me". I think a major part of my worry during this time was wondering who will take care of me now? I'll always be a daddy's girl, and although I'm a grown adult, I would call my dad almost everyday and ask him questions about life, religion, etc. During this time, I don't think I was emotionally capable of taking care of myself. This is where James came to the rescue. James took care of me. He took off work and school, he made sure that I was eating, and sleeping. He held me as I cried, told me everything was going to be okay, and even prayed with me. It was during this time of trial that I truly fell in love with James. I wouldn't have blamed him for a second if he had said "you have a lot going on with your family right now... I'm going to give you your space" and walked away. BUT HE DIDN'T! Not only did he stay... he took care of me.
We've been through many trials together already. But at the end of the day, James is always here. When he asked me if I would marry him on May 18, 2017 my answer was without a doubt "yes".
I know that James came into my life when he did for a reason. The fact that not even a month after we became exclusive he would become the man who would now "take care of me", because my dad couldn't anymore is not a coincidence. He loves me even though some days I have crippling depression and anxiety. He puts up with my stubbornness and my sassy, sarcastic attitude. I'm a very difficult person to love. I'm not easy to put up with. And James loves me unconditionally anyway. He's the ONLY man I've ever dated, that when I wake up in the morning, my first thought it "how am I going to serve him today? How am I going to show him how much I appreciate him?". This to me is true love.
I spent over 10 years of dating that was accompanied with endless tears, lonely nights, and thoughts of wondering if I was ever going to meet someone who would love me for me. I had countless people tell me that I was a "catch" and that I was going to make a man very happy someday. I watched friends and roommates get married to their sweethearts and wonder when, if ever, was I going to get my happily ever after? I had to take time for myself to figure out who I was on my own. I had to be a "grown up" and learn how to do things by myself. I became an independent woman. I became comfortable just being me. And I wouldn't take any of it back because those experiences were things that I needed to be prepared for marriage.
I feel so humbled and blessed to get to marry my sweetheart in just 2 days. He was so worth the wait. I never imagined that I'd get to spend eternity not only with the man of my dreams, but a man that far exceeded every expectation I ever had about a future husband. He makes me want to be a better person. He makes me want to have a close relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I get emotional when I think about how much I truly love him and how he makes me feel of worth.
Giving James a "chance" was the best decision I've ever made.
